That's intense
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
