More tranny stories later!
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
being pregnant is like rehab
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
