I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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