I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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