I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
