those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
