we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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