do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
