I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize