I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize