Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
