i jhust puked up my retainher.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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