I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize