i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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