lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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