Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
