none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
