oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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