The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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