did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
