I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He felt like a one man threesome
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
