I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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