My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
