The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
