I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
