i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
