Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
