So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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