im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
