I just made out with a guy for $7.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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