What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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