oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
