I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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