dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
