I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You took a bar mat shot.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
