There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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