So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Randomize
