I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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