omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I think your dad took our porno
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
