I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
