Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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