Pappa wants mamma naked
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
