she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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