6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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