I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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