Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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