I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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