she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize