Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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