It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
