She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
