Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Sext me about skeletons
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
