You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
