This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
