the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
When are your genitals available?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
