hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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