i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
