allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
