I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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