Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
