hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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