Will you blow on my dice?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
