WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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