I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
