Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
