My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
